Just three hours ago, I was slicing potatoes and carrots into cubes. Dy, having asthma attack yet again, was going in and out of their room. The only other person awake was Charizz, my younger sister, playing PC games.

When I was done, I asked Charizz to wake me up at 2 am to give way for her because I had to use the computer as well. Dy, still awake, was sitting on our couch having a hard time breathing. I slept. I wasn’t alarmed by the attack. You get used to it when you see it happening 3 or 4 times a week.

Once my back touched the bed, I was gone into oblivion of dreams. I dreamt that Charizz was telling me that she and Dy were going to Medicare Hospital.

“Ate, phst! Gising na! Pupunta kami ni Daddy sa Medicare. Two na.”

“O sige, gisingin mo na lang uli ako pag balik nyo.”

After a while…

“Ate! Gising ka na!”

“Oo nga! Gisingin mo na lang ako pagbalik nyo!”

“Nakabalik na kami. Gumising ka! Pupunta tayo ng Medicare. Bibili uli ng nebule.”

I didn’t move.

“Carizz…” I heard Dy’s weak voice, almost pleading.

I got up at once, took the motorbike key and started for the door.

“Mag…pan…talon… ka...,” Dy tried to say, still concerned at how I look even in his situation.

I went back to my room, put on my school pants, ran to the motorbike with Charizz following behind me. She unlocked the two gates. I started the engine. It roared, “Carizz!” I was confused for a while when I realized it was My’s voice.

“Po?!”

“Dalhin mo sa San Lorenzo Daddy mo!”

“Opo!”

“Dad bilis!”

Dy sat behind me. “Go…,” he said, still pleading. I drove in haste.

“Dy, kapit po kayo sa’kin,” as my left hand searches for his hand to put on my shoulder.

“He… sus!” I could hear him saying.

It was supposed to be a five-minute ride only. But I felt like I was driving far too slow than I should. I could notice the houses, the lights, the dog crossing the street… everything. Then I looked at the speedometer. It was pointing between 100 and 110.

This can’t be right!

“He… sus!” Dy, still pleading.

How do you drive this thing faster? I argued with myself while my left hand was still holding Dy’s hand on my shoulder and my right hand guiding the steering wheel.

“He… sus!” he pleaded on.

Damn motorbike!

“He…sus!” his voice still pleading.

I held on to his hand while I overtook the jeepney in front of us.

“Em… m… mer… gency…,”   he told me as I drove in the hospital parking lot. I drove straight to the hospital wing where it said “Emergency”, stopped the engine and didn’t bother locking the motorbike.

“Hin… dipoakomakahinga,” Dy said in one breath. I saw a nurse put a tube with two holes to his nose (I later found out was oxygen). I looked at the doctor and said, “Hika po.” Then everyone moved. One brought a nebulizer, another inserted a needle through his left hand for dextrose, another one gave him a chair to sit on coz he wouldn’t lie on the bed in front of him. I was thankful and cursed the movie I saw some years ago with this guy bleeding to death but wasn’t treated because he had no money in him. My hand involuntarily went inside my pocket and I felt a 25-centavo coin. Yeah, right! I rushed Dy to a private hospital and I only have 25 centavos on me. After a while, I could see him breathing normally again.

A guy tugged on me. “Pakitabi lang po yung motorbike.”

When I reached for the door a voice in me said, “Isn’t this what I want? This is the moment I’ve been praying for. He is dying.” I put the key in the ignition and started guiding the motorbike to the side. I want to see him die.

When I came back inside, I stood beside him. Then this other guy was mouthing something to me. I made out “Phone”. He held out the receiver to me. I took it.

“Hello”

“Ate, sunduin mo na daw si Mommy dito,” I heard Charizz’ voice at the other end of the line.

I hung up.

“Dy, sunduin ko lang po si My.”

Dy nodded.

As I was leaving, the nurse asked a few questions.

“Pangalan ni tatay?” she started asking.

“Armando Cruzem the third.”

“Epilyido?”

“Cruzem.”

“Pangalan? Arturo?”

“Armando po. The third”

He didn’t put III.

If it was another occasion I would insist she put III.

“Ilang taon na?” she continued asking.

Uhm… ilan nga ba? Teka… 3 years tanda ni My… 1961 si Dy… I did a quick math in my mind and said aloud, “45”.

The nurse didn’t hide the shocked looked on her face. I understood. Dy doesn’t look his age. He looks older… someone in his 60’s. I get this a lot, so I wasn’t surprised or hurt, for that matter, even a bit. Some years ago, someone even thought My was Dy’s granddaughter.

“Yun lang po?” I asked.

She nodded, still wearing that shocked face.

While on the way back to our house the same voice in me said, “No, I didn’t want him dead. I just said that because I was angry. Lord, if you heal him… heal him completely… then I’ll serve you, just like what he wants.” The ride this time was quicker.

I waited outside while Charizz kept on bombarding me with questions. In times like this, I keep my mouth shut as much as possible. I didn’t want to say anything… yet. After some minutes, My went out the house and sat behind me. I started the engine and drove.

“Bakit dito?” she asked.

“Mas malapit po dito.”

“Sa San Lorenzo?”

I just squeezed her hand on my shoulder and I drove on. She stopped asking.

On the way back to the hospital, I couldn’t help but think how idiotic I reacted at the situation. First, I got too confused so as to leave the house in short shorts. Then, the way I took to the hospital. I thought about it and cursed myself for taking that route. It was a long cut! But still, under normal circumstances, it would only take me 5 minutes to go to San Lorenzo through that route in 40 mph! But it felt like an hour. I cursed myself for being so idiotic in the time when I needed my brain the most.

Now, My and Dy are in the hospital. Dy told me to go back home because I have school. Damn! I feel like crying now. I remember how I treated him for these past few months. Of course, I still followed what he wanted me to do, but under my breath, I was wishing him dead. There were times when I just couldn’t take the scolding. True, there were some facts to what he’d been scolding me about, but I still thought it was too much.

I don’t know. I am wearing Dy’s wedding ring now. The doctor told me to take the jewelries he was wearing and take out everything from his pocket. From his pocket, I found his driver’s license, SurfMaxx internet card, M. Lhuillier Pawnshop receipt and a 20-peso bill. And they are all lying here in front of me while I’m typing this. I guess the pawnshop receipt was from when he pawned his other ring to pay for the hospital bill of the elderly lady my brother crashed into while driving a motorbike. So yeah, if My didn’t come, we have P20.25 between Dy and me.

I think I will keep Dy’s wedding ring until he recovers… fully.

How do I feel now? Hmmmm… I don’t really know. But one thing is for sure, I won’t be talking much today… thinking about things. Actually, I feel guilty going online while Dy’s in the hospital.

I'm thankful that Dy taught me how to drive.

And with that, adieu…

 

man, whew! i just turned 24 yesterday. wow! T-W-E-N-T-Y-F-O-U-R.

last two days ago, i was thinking that i would spend my birthday in the library. not a sad thought. it was actually a relaxing and a peaceful thought. for the past weeks, i haven't been able to read a book... i mean, read by my own volition. so spending a day in the library was my plan of celebrating my birthday. i'm a book eater (hehe). i'm drooling whenever i see a book.

but i started my day in school waiting for professors to show up and have them sign my clearance sheet.

then at about 4pm i went to mcdonald's and treat myself with float and fries. one of my favorite things to do when i'm stressed.

after eating, i still didn't feel like going home, so i went on a beach resort. there were too many people everywhere except on the playground area. instinctively, i went there. believe it or not, i'm a person who appreciates silence. i was wrong though. i thought there wasn't anyone there. haha. there were a few kids playing by the swing. they were hidden by the bushes that was why i didn't see them. but it was alright. i just sat on the lawn and watched them play.

being a kid... haaaay...

7pm, i headed for home.

i knew my parents would somehow do something special for my day. there wasn't a single march 21 in my life that had passed without being celebrated. so yes, upon reaching home, there were quite a few people in the house. it was... hmmm... alright. i'm thankful that my parents went out their way to prepare. but they were celebrating one other thing. about my school. they said that one of my professors called up and said something about my school performance. now, i'm not so sure with that one. coz no one in school has talked to me about anything, academic-wise. so yes, i still have to confirm it before i tell all about it here.

my brother told me that my prof asked me to call back. i was surprised. coz it was like 8pm already. school is supposed to be closed at 5pm. i felt weird dialing school number at 8 in the evening. but i was answered with, "AMA CLC Rosario, g'morning ah e, g'afternoon ah e g'night" that was m'gerley. i said "good evening maam". haha. she didn't even know anymore how to answer the phone at that time. i asked for s'joel, the professor who asked me to call back. he didn't tell me about anything that concerned my school performance. he just asked me to help him encode some things. i typed a little fast, so i get all these requests all the time. and then he told me that i should come and talk to him because i have a big part in the graduation mass. i asked if i was doing the sermon. i mean, it is the only big part in any mass, right? he laughed.

hmmm... i wasn't expecting my birthday to be celebrated. a simple greeting, just the thought that people remembered, would do. i mean really. i wouldn't be hurt if my parents didn't prepare anything for it. actually, i don't mind at all if people didn't greet me. it was alright. but of course, i expected a few people that are the closest to me to greet me. i'd be hurt if they didn't... family (my, dy and 3 siblings); one person i only know online but has been making a huge impact in my life, heck if i don't see him online, i panic; sean, a very close friend; and Jonathan Livingston Seagull, yes the Richard Bach bird... hehe. my birthday was complete when all these 8 individuals greeted me. they didn't forget. i'm grateful.

now, how do i feel that i'm 24? hmmm... honestly speaking, i don't feel anything has changed. it's just a number. i'm not ashamed that i am older. coz people in school tease me that i am older than 95% of school population. it's alright. i don't care. some people can't believe that i'm 24 already. maybe because i don't act like a "normal" girl errr lady errr woman (still confused). i don't put make up on or wear high-heeled shoes. i don't use face powder. hair is always down and is combed only after bathing. walk fast. laughter isn't controlled. t-shirt and jeans, my usual get up. i'm weird, they say. i like it to be that way though.

what a birthday...