CarizzCruzem

Proverbs 27:6 says that wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Everything that will be said here is said as a friend and as a mother of a baby. I am sure that after you read this, some of you will get hurt. But in 2 Corinthians 7:8, apostle Paul says, “Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it – I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while.” After the hurt, I know healing will take place.

I have come to a point where I have to choose between staying in the church but hurting some of you in the process or holding my peace and find another church.

I cannot bear to see how Xach is being smothered with what you might call as affection. I deliberately stopped going to church because after every church service, I became silently angry. What’s the point of going to church when you end up getting upset? So I opted not to come to church, at least, I can’t see what’s happening.

But I cannot say that my spiritual life flourished.

I know that you love Xach. I am very sure of that.

Please know that it is very hard for me to open up like this. But here goes.

I am the eldest daughter with three siblings. My younger sister was born when I was four. At that young age, I was already told that I could only kiss her on her toes. I wasn’t even allowed to touch her face. I did not ask why. I obeyed or else risked getting spanked. As I grew up, it became an unwritten rule to me that babies can’t be touched but kissed only on their toes.

When I had my first son, Daiks, I understood why. They’re sensitive little things. While they’re inside the womb, they are protected from the harsh environment outside. Very caring mothers only eat the choicest of food. When they come out, their immune system has not developed yet so they are prone to all kinds of disease. Mothers swaddle their babies and protect them as much as they could.

And then, BAM! You see someone kiss them on their lips.

I silently cringed the first time I saw this happen to Xach. After that, I got more upset every time.

On the first Friday after Xach got out, when he was just six days old, I was asked to come to church. I was told not to worry because I wouldn’t get to carry Xach. That people would just be too delighted to carry him for me. This is exactly my fear. That Xach will be passed from one arm to another. So I politely declined.

When a puppy is born, no matter how excited we are, we don’t carry them as carrying them all the time will weaken the newborn pup. Well that or they’ll get eaten by their mother dog just to protect them from you.

How do you feel after a full body massage? You feel weak from all the stretching and pressing.

For some months, Xach has been subjected to full body massage every Friday as he’s been passed from one arm to another. And my heart breaks as I watched in silence when some of you try to carry him even if you have no experience carrying a baby. It’s like you’re practicing on Xach as you asked those around you and tried to maneuver your arms as advised by the crowd.

For all of this, never, even once you heard me complain. I was silently hoping that you would just miraculously realize that I was hurting. Yes. I was hurting as I watched from a distance and debated with myself whether to tell you straightaway and risked getting misunderstood or just let you do all of these things to Xach and suffer silently.

Every Friday night, we couldn’t sleep as Xach lay awake crying. He just kept on crying. No amount of milk or carrying could make him stop. And in frustration, Noel would logged on facebook and tried to gather as much courage as he could so he could post on facebook and tell everybody not to touch Xach anymore. But he did not because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and risked getting misunderstood. He suffered silently.

Believe me, my heart jumps from joy because you adore Xach. You can’t help but to carry him because you love him. You can’t help but to kiss him because he is just so cute. But I guess you fail to understand that when he gets fidgety and resists sleep, we won’t call you in the middle of the night and ask you to stay awake with him. I guess you fail to understand that when he gets sick, we won’t call you and ask you to make him get better, that we won’t call you and tell you to pay for all the expenses. No. We will bear all of these.

I am not being high minded. But I have to choose between letting you do whatever you want with Xach or be a good mother to him.

For some months, I have let you do whatever you want with Xach.

Now, I am begging you. Please, let me try and be a good mother to him.

Please kiss Xach only on his toes.

Please avoid holding his hands as he’s now in the habit of sucking his hands.

Please never try and carry Xach if you’re unsure how to carry a baby.

Please wait for Xach to wake up if you want to carry him.

Please don’t get upset with me if I give you sanitizer if you ask to hold Xach.

Please don’t get hurt if I wash his face or hands after you hold him.

When he can eat food besides drinking milk, please don’t give him food that you put in your mouth. If you want to feed him, please get his own spoon and don’t share yours with him.

When he’s older, please let him crawl on his own. Let him fall while he tries to balance on his own two feet.

Now, if even after this you still do whatever you want with Xach, I won’t stop you. But know that I am hurting.

For now, I am opting to stay for my husband’s sake because he is loyal to this church. 

But if you continue to do whatever you want with Xach, and then you don’t see me coming to church yet again, you now know the reason.

This is not a threat because I know I’m not a loss. I am merely informing you of the fact because I want to live a quiet life and avoid being the talk of the town.

All these I say in behalf of all the future mothers and mothers with small kids.